PET PEEVE – BICYCLES ON THE SIDEWALK…

This one makes me INSANE.  I get to a point where I understand what it is to crush another human beings bones between your own hands.  Here in Toronto it has been asked by City Hall that the Police enforce bicycles NOT being on the sidewalk and yet this AM, I run into this fun parody.  You are walking every so pleasantly down the side WALK (the name even says it you dumb fuck – its not a side bike, a side WALK – hence why they gave up a perfectly good lane of traffic for a BIKE LANE), but I digress, and then some asshole comes wiggling by on his $50 find of a bicycle that he has tried to pimp by adding a new coat of paint and an updated milk carton in the back for his organic produce.  These societal outcasts have to wiggle because you can never get going fast enough on the sidewalk to even make it worth while, but they still have to try.  Barely moving – taking up three times the size of a regular human being and without a care in the world.  I’ll give you a fucking care when I stick my umbrella in your spokes and take great pleasure in watching you fly over the handlebars into on-coming traffic – then you will re-consider that whole bike helmet thing when some young hipster runs you over on their Vespa (which I also hate, but at least they are on the GD road).  There is very little that can make me as angry as this – except bitches with their strollers who also think they own the sidewalk because they have a spawn of satan that clawed its way out of that festering womb to grace us with its blood curdling presence.  And if you have more than one child in a stroller – you do not exist in my world.  I pretend that you are a fairy and that only I can see you and then I feel better.  My doctor just told me to go to my happy place…..bikes on the sidewalk…jesus…..

2 Responses

  1. ha ha, i’m laughing out loud. i totally ride my bike on the sidewalk & you would totally hate me. my only consolation is that the sidewalks around my house are really wide & there’s never anyone else on the sidewalk. i’m scared to ride on the street with all of the traffic & would never wear a helmet (for fear of messing up my hair). i agree on the annoyance level of strollers though.

  2. And this is exactly why I would bare you a first-born my friend— I *loathe* bikes on the sidewalk. LOATHE. Seriously– I purposefully refuse to move out of the way and swear to god I have been known to kick a bike wheel if I get grazed. I actually got knocked over by an asshat on rollerblades once– I don’t know how he didn’t see me–Fucker. I’m still mad.

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