Very seldom do I write about good things or things that make me happy, but after feeling a little shitty tonight, I decided to find some new music that I could sit and smoke cigarettes too.  After surfing iTunes and finding nothing but shit, like sell out Madonna, the gold album of Juno (which I already own and TRULY is amazing) and some kind of musically inspired re-vamp known as Mariah Carey or Mimi, I came across something that stopped me in my tracks.  Enter ADELE.  At first listen, sounds a bit like Amy Winehouse without all the heroin, but this bitch has pipes.  Not Celine pipes, but deep dark, bluesy pipes.  A native of South London, England, she is my new fave for chillin with me.  Personally, its all about ‘Hometown Glory’ and ‘Chasing Pavements’, but take your own pick.  Best news - her tickets to her North American tour went on sale today.  I will be linking her MySpace and then you should go to iTunes and download some of her shit, she rocks my world.  Pour yourself a nice glass of red, spark a dart and sit back and let ADELE take you somewhere else.  She has the look of a classic opera singer meets Kelly Osbourne and the lyrics and musicality of k.d. lang meets esthero - my kind of bitch.  Alright, enough, just check her out at her MySpace   ADELE

I got lazy today and ripped off another blog to post something, but let it be said that this other blog called The Fail Blog is REALLY funny and just shows pictures of life sucking.  It reminds me of something that a late 90’s Alanis Morisette would have written as Ironic - that was her nice term for my life sucks shit right now and I am going to put out a really angry album to figure it all out.  Check out the pics and check out The Fail Blog to see tons more…

 
God would not appreciate these children that close to Jesus’ erect penile

 Shitty…

 Look how much fun the children are having inside of Pikachu’s Vagina

 

 

I write about this because yesterday I was walking to work - it started to POUR.  I have no umbrella with me and no store in sight in which to purchase one.  I finally found a drug store and went in.  The cheapest umbrella as $39.99 and it was simple, small and black.  I don’t think so.  If I want to spend $40 on an umbrella, it better be pretty cool.  Than I found this online - the Wi-Fi Umbrella…

It can be programmable to display your photos and is Wi-Fi capable.  Where would they come up with such a brilliant idea?  Tokyo, of course.  Manufactured and designed by Pileus, you think its cool enough?  Well, it works with Google Earth and also has a built in GPS sensor.  Jesus Christ, its everything I ever wanted in a rain defensive, entertaining, never get lost apparatus.  Prices could not be found - probably for the best, but can you IMAGINE the photos you could put on this to make you happy while you walk in what is supposed to be the beautiful Spring Time?  Check it out…

So, the big hot trend right now?  Trying to find a way to replace your Fiji, Evian and possibly Nalgene bottle with something not only more eco friendly, but also human friendly.  Living in Canada, our tap water has been proven to be just as good as bottled water, but we are STILL paying more for water than we are for gas.  $1.14 / litre for fuel - $1.50-$4.00 / 750ml for water.  Rumours (and statistics) show that our old plastic bottles are leaking toxins into our water which we are ingesting everyday. Some say aluminum or stainless steel is the way to go - my problem, this has not been around long enough to study the effects of these metals on the human system.  However, it makes sense.  That is why I sought out to find something that I can use and replace my old bottles with - lord knows, it has to be good looking.  This is where I found Sigg - the Swiss State of Art.  Of course, leave it to the friggin Swiss to sit up in the Alps and come up with brilliant design ideas for water bottles.  I have included a few examples from their product line - and it ranges broadly.  They offer kids, leisure, sport, thermo, casual and a whole line of accessories to go along with that water bottle.  Apparently Madonna is now using a Sigg bottle - can you have better publicity - wanna get something sold?  Put it in the Kabbalah wielding hands of Madge - what could look cooler as she firms up those triceps in some Kama Sutra induced yogic stretching exercises.  Check it out - Sigg is where its at!

Was sent this cool pic.  Took me a minute to figure if I loved it, and I do.  I like anything that is made into something it is not supposed to be.  This is the suitcase chair.  BeDesign, Turkish company behind the pieces has come up with an innovative way to use what the Salvation Army would normally get.  What do you do with Grandma’s suitcases after she dies and you have to sift through her basement?  Make a chair, clearly….I assume these are some of the coolest suitcases, there are definitely some that would not look so hot - and once again, this is more art than it is furniture.  But, for the eco friendly design freak on your list - consider this….

wow - it has been a LONG time since I both laughed and felt tragically sorry for an individual.  Enter Lil J.  This bitch is hardcore yo, she doesn’t take shit from no one - to prove it, she put it all over You Tube and My Space.  Yet another example of how harsh the trailer park can be.  Lil J is, unfortunately, a VERY misguided albino, white trash, frontin, skinny white chick who cannot quite pronounce all the words she wishes to use.  If you don’t like this video, you can hit me up on my mother fuckin myspace, alright, out….

This one makes me INSANE.  I get to a point where I understand what it is to crush another human beings bones between your own hands.  Here in Toronto it has been asked by City Hall that the Police enforce bicycles NOT being on the sidewalk and yet this AM, I run into this fun parody.  You are walking every so pleasantly down the side WALK (the name even says it you dumb fuck - its not a side bike, a side WALK - hence why they gave up a perfectly good lane of traffic for a BIKE LANE), but I digress, and then some asshole comes wiggling by on his $50 find of a bicycle that he has tried to pimp by adding a new coat of paint and an updated milk carton in the back for his organic produce.  These societal outcasts have to wiggle because you can never get going fast enough on the sidewalk to even make it worth while, but they still have to try.  Barely moving - taking up three times the size of a regular human being and without a care in the world.  I’ll give you a fucking care when I stick my umbrella in your spokes and take great pleasure in watching you fly over the handlebars into on-coming traffic - then you will re-consider that whole bike helmet thing when some young hipster runs you over on their Vespa (which I also hate, but at least they are on the GD road).  There is very little that can make me as angry as this - except bitches with their strollers who also think they own the sidewalk because they have a spawn of satan that clawed its way out of that festering womb to grace us with its blood curdling presence.  And if you have more than one child in a stroller - you do not exist in my world.  I pretend that you are a fairy and that only I can see you and then I feel better.  My doctor just told me to go to my happy place…..bikes on the sidewalk…jesus…..

I like these ALOT!  I like what I hope they are trying to say.  This is my take - if we are going to be a society who is going to be at war, voluntarily, why not look good while we do it.  In a time where everyone is soooo worried about what they look like and ‘who’ they are wearing comes three designers who got together and are going to take this to a whole new level.  Designer Gas Masks - this way, nobody has to be out of fashion in the middle of the desert.  Take a look at these - they are quite erie and yet quite familiar…isn’t that sick in itself?  That a gas mask is a perfectly recognizable object - further - that the LV logo on the gas mask also makes sense?  As always, I am a fan of Louis Vuitton, but the Gucci isn’t bad either.  Maybe my thoughts on war would change if it looked this good….sigh…

Remember this blast from the past?  This thing fuckin rocked!  A friend over at shape + colour reminded me of this one day, and then I found one online that said boobies - and then it met my blog.  I had the yellow one, my sister had the red one and I believe they were sold in the great garage sale of ’88 - like so many other treasures, the thing was probably sold for 50 cents or 10 rubles depending on the fluctuation of the Chinese Yen.  I miss that mechanical man that would sound out whatever you spelled - remember the one who sounded like he had throat cancer and had to put a microphone up to his throat to speak?  No?  Well, your parents didn’t love you…

There is a very good reason we do not live in shells, WE ARE HUMAN!  Yet again, a human with too much money has wanted to see what it feels like to live like a snail - that old chestnut.  Therefore, they have built their house (with the help of Senosiain Arquitectos) so that their house resembles a snails shell.  It is pretty impractical - you have to go further and further spiralling into the house in order to get to some of the rooms - I would hate this, unless it was an open concept snail shell, I would burn it down and collect the insurance.  And to be honest, I don’t really even like the look of it unless I had dropped too much acid and was going into a drug induced seizure and wanted to watch the sun rise in this shell-hell.  Willy Wonka’s idea of a house, no doubt.  The idea on paper - cool.  In actuality - children are starving, build them a mud hut that they can live in - and for the price of this snail trail - you probably could have built enough huts to reside the entire population of Uganda.  My favourite part of this blog is spewing forth names of countries I have done absolutely no research on - for all I know - they may live in high rise condos in Uganda, but I get National Gepgraphic - they don’t, plus I just checked google - they definitely don’t.  I think Senosiain Arquitectos should begin building wealthy individuals houses that resemble the shanty’s of Uganda - there is something different for ya.  To help, I have included pictures of the snail house and a Uganda Hut.